Dexter’s doings with Pacifist Armies.
One day in 1974, I suddenly got an inspiration to look up one of my Aunts
(my Father’s sister). I made a telephone call, and she answered. We arranged to
meet on Saturday afternoon at
Thoroughly confused at this, I stood for a second or two, then took in the scene. He was unloading piles of newspaper, a bag of flour, several buckets, a broom and a flag. I gave him my assistance to haul them over the sand dunes to the beach, where others in similar (less garish perhaps, and more tatty quasi-military) uniforms fell to rolling up the newspapers and doling out the flour into little piles on paper hand-towels and twisting the tops.
Eventually, my Aunt appeared and introduced me to the assembled troops. The fellow I had helped with the gear was Tony Catford, another was Geoff Denham, there were quite a few others, and eventually I was introduced to the inspirer of the whole outfit. He was dressed in a long black cloak, and was introduced to me as Jack, though others seemed to address him and refer to him as "Wiz" or "The Wizard".
I was duly loaned a red shirt (a little too small) and given basic
instruction in the form of the three rules:
1 No intentional violent contact
2 No dangerous weapons
3 Clean up afterwards.
First order was to wade out into the briny, form columns, then wade back in.
Simple enough. We did it twice (for the cameras). The legend on the back of the
postcard, of which the photo below is a scan, reads:
ALF'S IMPERIAL ARMY: An historic picture taken in 1974 showing Alf's
Imperial Army emerging from the sea to conquer the South Island of New Zealand.
Colonel Catford V.D., a well known character in Godzone, is as usual leading
the Imperial forces.
Photograph by John Collins
Alf's Imperial Army, invading the
Colonel Catford in front, Flag-bearer is Sergeant "Demolition"
Denham, I am right at the back, the "Drummer Boy". Beside me, at the
rear of the closer column, is the "minesweeper".
Next order of business was the battle, against the unruly hordes "defending" Godzone. Back and forth across the wide beach, and along it for a good distance either way, flour bombs were being hurled, together with water-bombs (water-filled balloons), there was much fencing and duelling with newspaper swords, and plentiful demonstrations of theatrical dying (and being revived by "nurses", pretty young ladies with bottles of water. One swig and back into battle!).
Eventually, a bugle was blown (rather tunelessly), the signal for Tea Break. Both sides partook from the same platters and cups (tea and scones!), then back for some more battling. A final bugle call and "Wiz" announced the verdict: The Imperial troops had won the day!
Lastly, awards were made, and promotions. To my surprise, I was promoted to Officer Cadet (O.Cad for short), and given the pseuonym "Dextraneous". This fitted in well with others - Major Disaster, Corporal Punishment, etc.
This day was to be the precursor of many such glorious battles, and I was privileged to participate in a goodly number of them. There were also social occasions, and for these there were Formal Dress requirements. One such was "Tea and cucumber sandwiches, and croquet on the lawn". It was held at a house right next door to where I was living at the time, though the involvement of my neighbours was a total surprise to me!
Dexter in Alf's Imperial Army dress uniform. Note the shoulder-length
hair (the fashion of the time), and the dress sword (replica rapier, forbidden
on the battlefield!). I still have this uniform, in 1999, though I seem to have
lost the spike from the top of the helmet. If I remember correctly, they were
removed for battle since they could be driven down into one's head! I must have
mislaid mine after one of the battles.
Geoff Denham became a firm friend - he owned and ran a 1/24-scale slot-car track, and I was mad-keen on these at the time. I've not heard of or from him for years. Another from the beach photo was a fellow Folk musician (Ian Costello), from whom I 'inherited' several Bush Bands. His most successful band was "Bushfire", which played at Warners Hotel in The Square for several years.
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