My lord twirled his umbrella, and scanned the field. "Scholar, what
formation are they forming?" After scrolling through the War
Manual, I replied, "My Lord, they form 'Three Herons on a Poppy Cloud'".
Indeed, I could see how their thick centre of archers was supported by
a reserve of horsemen at each end, waiting to sally forth. "We should
form ..
umm" - rustling of more scrolls - "The Hawk stoops upon his Prey, my
Lord". My lord didst grunt, and motion with his hand, and the whole of
his army did flex and sway, adopting the formation, echelonned back from
the centre to both wings.
My lord screened his eyes, and peered at the enemy. "They appear to be changing formation - what are they forming now?" I squinted through the sun, seeing the horsemen ride out and extend the flanks of their archers, nestling between the archers and the river on one side, and twixt foot and woods on the other. "My lord, they form the dread 'Five Flamingoes Crap on the Roof' formation. We should, uh, umm ... " and desparately searching, I found the answer, "ah, we should form the 'All rivers Run to the Sea, Through My Living Room' formation, Honoured One." "Let it be so" he replied, and our army surged forward, straightening lines as it went. Far to the left, I espied General Lo Fat, chicken wing still in hand, ordering his men to hurry.
Yet again, the enemy shifted, and My Lord espied it - "So what now, Scholar?". After much squinting and cogitation, I found the secret - all the horsemen had dismounted, sending their horses to the rear. I desparately flickered through the scrolls, seeking the answer. "Here, Lord - I am unsure, it is either the 'Seven Swans circumvent the Sun', or 'Four Machineguns rain death upon the plain'. Our response should be .. um, err, " and again searched the scrolls. "Lord, we should form 'Baby needs a change of napkins', according to the experts'". My Lord blinked uncertainly, then waved his bannermen on.
The whole of our Army threw itself forward into this formation, rushing headlong upon the enemy, crashing like a single wave of surf into them - with about as much effect. Far to the right, I saw General Pu Ki pause, vomit into his helmet, then dash back into the fray to rally his men.
A pause settled upon the field, and My Lord gestured his palanquin forward, taking up a pair of chopsticks. "Any further advice, worm?" he grunted between mouthfuls. "Lord, I believe in this situation, Tai Tsung recommends the formation 'Baby needs a new pair of shoes'". My Lord looked uncertainly at me - "What in the name of ten thousand devils is that?". "My Lord, it is when you seek to buy the favour of Fortune, usually by some severe sacrifice."
Alas, My Lord grimaced, and urged his palanquin forward, striking a
martial pose with his chopsticks (except for the moo goo gai pan dripping
from his chin, anyway). Little good it did him, for a volley of enemy arrows
thundered through his umbrella, pinning his lifeless body to the cushions.
Yet, this seems to have been the sacrifice required,
for the enemy started fleeing from both flanks, at last crushed by
the thundering hooves of our cavalry.
Our men, however, hearing the laments of the eunuchs, saw the dead Prince,
and likewise turned tail, seeking refuge in our camp.
[This was one of those brain-dead moments - CvS vs BwS, so we more or less lined up and charged after a few turns' fiddling about at both ends (to no avail). The first charge of the Cv was repelled *everywhere* through some abysmal combat dice, and after losing a couple to shooting, the 2nd charge was a bit piecemeal - but it did enough to break both wing commands. However, the CinC in the centre managed to get double overlapped, and 6-1'd to death .. and of course his command broke. The following turn, we each managed to kill 2 ee of the other, enough to break both armies]