Q'aaliyeh, seventeenth Prince of Turfan, scratched at his collar nervously, and cursed under his breath. Having to go bowing and scraping to these Chinese overlords always made his back ache. Oh, how much easier life was when he was just a simple Second Salad Chef at court. He gestured to the heavily-armed guards, and entered the Pavilion of Command. Inside, the air was thick with incense, and redolent with heavy spices. The Prince approached, and fell to his knees, bowing to the figures dimly-seen behind the table.
"Oh most noble Lo Fat, I approach you to beseech a favour. May I speak, Lord?"
He paused, waiting for a response. He peered through the incense and smoke, across the groaning table, to see Lo Fat lolling on a pile of cushions, apparently dozing. Beside him sat his second in command, Pu Ki, looking dyspeptic. After a long delay, Pu Ki replied,
"Our most noble commander is temporarily incapacitated, Prince. What is the favour you seek?"
"Noble Pu Ki, I seek leave to depart for Turfan with my men, post-haste. There is word that my regent has been assassinated, and I need to ensure my throne rests securely. Also, if possible, I would appreciate a detachment of your troops to strengthen my hand, and a decree from the Noble Viceroy of this region, confirming my possession of the throne in the voice of the Emperor."
Pu Ki stirred a dish on the table with his finger, showing little interest.(1) "Ah, yes, you've been Prince for ... hmmm .. three years, since the assassination of the late unlamented Qo Fek?"
"Suicide, my lord, not assassination. He threw himself backwards onto three salad forks, in the immemorial habit of the Lords of Turfan. You will recall his mind was deranged with grief from the death of his heir, drowned in a vat of mayonnaise."
Pu Ki paused and tasted the sauce he had been stirring, then turned a little more green, and bent to one side. Straightening and wiping his mouth, he replied, "Well the Emperor has decreed no attacks for us this year, so we should be able to spare you. Take a phalange of the cavalry and horse archers with you, under Feng Go Qang, and be back before the winter snows." (2)
As The Prince retired step by step, bowing ceremonially, and skillfully
avoiding the tangled carpet as he backed away, Pu Ki reflected on the last
Prince of Turfan he'd met, the predecessor but one of the current Prince.
Strange, they never did find out who'd bashed his head in with a salad
bowl.(3)
* * * * * * * * * *
Lo Fat reeled out of his tent, pausing to rinse his mouth from the bucket of water by its' entrance. On second thought, he plunged his whole head into the bucket, relishing the blessed coolness. Standing up, he opened his mouth to roar out commands, but all that emerged was a squeak. Trying again, he growled to the nearest guardsman, "Go fetch Pu Ki, then find that dog of a Korean cook and feed him his tongue. No, wait, deliver him to the Imperial Torturer for the death of seventeen. And find me some fresh bread!"
He turned to check with the scout that had woken him. "Two invasion forces, you say? _And_ a rebellion in Wei Tzu Fa?". The scout blanched, and saluted. "Yessir, that's what I was told. Them rebels are pretty old-fashioned though - no infantry, no bows for the cavalry, just catphracts'n'horse archers, like the Wei Throne used to use."(4)
Lo Fat grunted, "And the invaders - some blue-painted savages from the utter West, and some Franks from near them?" The scout nodded nervously, then added, "Oh, and my captain said the Franks look just like them Sore - Surl - Serbydans, what we rode over last year."
Pu Ki sauntered up, followed by a puffing and blowing Llap Gok. "Where's that garlic-brained Turfani?" Lo Fat scowled. Pu Ki smiled uneasily, and replied "Don't you recall, he asked for leave to go and secure his throne, last week - you gave him the rest of the year to do it, and even sent some of the Han with him to make sure he didn't make a complete fool of himself."
Lo Fat, already pale, clasped his brow and frowned. Damn, he thought, I should've had that Korean cook done away with a week ago. Aloud he said, "Good, then, all the more glory for us!" Pu Ki politely restrained his laughter, while the simple Turkish chieftain brightened visibly, and muttered "and the loot" under his breath.
"Well, we appear to be invaded at two points on our western border, and facing a rebellion in the East. First, we march east and crush the rebels. Then we march northwest, and deal with these blue-painted savages, then wheel south and follow the track of the invading Franks, catching them in the rear if possible. Saddle up, it's going to have to be a quick campaign."(5)
As his subordinates strutted off to fulfill his commands, Lo Fat clasped
at the tent-ropes to keep upright, and longed for some simple Moo goo gai
pan - anything to settle his stomach.(6)
"Right, Chief Llap, you take your Turks, and ride like hell through this gap, then angle off to the right - you should find some nice low rises over there to hide your boys. Once you're there, wait for the rebels to advance past you, then attack their rear. Pu Ki, you command all the Pu Ping(7) - post them in a line across that gap, and send the Pu She skirmishers into the village. I'll send a company of horse archers across the river to delay any forces he has there, and hold the rest of the cavalry behind the Pu Ping, to act as reinforcements."
Pu Ki looked sceptical. "They'll never charge frontally into the Pu Ping - it'd be a massacre".
"True enough, although you never know - but from there you can roll forward till you catch up with them, and shoot them to bits, while I keep your flanks safe, and the Gok chew at their flanks." His commanders nodded, and rode off to deploy their forces.
The rebels deployed with a wide line of cataphracts facing the gap, with a few horse archers tagging along at each end of the line, while a smaller band of cataphracts with more horse archers deployed across the river - obviously intent on outflanking the T'ang lines. As the Chinese forces advanced and filled the gap, and the Turks galloped over hills and far away, Lo Fat was amazed to notice the rebel cataphracts riding closer and closer to his Pu Ping archers. He held his breath - were they going to try a frontal charge?
They were, it seemed - while the flank attack bogged down chasing Chinese horse archers, the main line of cataphracts approached at a gentle trot, then started to pause and buckle under the shooting of the Pu Ping. The Chinese infantry were firing with a fury that Lo Fat had never seen before, being particularly intent on the rebel 'Emperor', whose bodyguard was driven back again and again, without ever coming close enough to charge home. A few companies of cataphracts did manage a disjointed charge, spattering against the might of the Chinese archery like raindrops on a hot griddle. Volley after volley blasted the cataphracts off the field, leaving a mighty carnage behind, as the rebel Emperor got caught up by the Turkish flank-attack.
With the capture of this pretender, all pretence at resistance ceased, and the rest of the rebels streamed off the field of battle. Lo Fat saw Pu Ki approaching, looking unaccustomedly cheerful and waving a rebel cuirass over his head. "At last, at last, someone brave enough to charge my boys!" Pu Ki rejoiced.
A fortnight later, the Tang forces were still in the saddle. Lo Fat, looking noticeably thinner, drew rein and surveyed the position of the Brythons(9). "It looks like they'll be attacking us", he remarked, sounding amused. "There's certainly enough clutter here, but I imagine that gentle hill in the middle of the field is hiding a swarm of their chariots. See, there's more of them extending to our right, up to that big patch of scrub in the corner of the field. Looks like some horsed skirmishers backing them up, and a whole wedge of chariots and light cavalry on the other flank, facing that big wood. Don't see any foot around, though."
Pu Ki, squinting into the sun, remarked "I believe there's a picked body of skirmishers ready to rush that small ridge on the right hand side, as well. I doubt if we have enough skirmishers to withstand them."
Lo Fat frowned, studying the position, then clapped his hands. "Very
well, the pork is roasted, let us carve (8).
Pu Ki, your foot can take the centre - and send the skirmishers into
that wood on the left, they should be able to play hide'n'seek with anyone
going through it, pretty much forever. I'll form behind you in 2 columns
of cavalry, to cover both your flanks. Llap, form your Turks on the right,
ride around that ridge, and see if you can get into the flank of his chariots."
As his forces deployed, Lo Fat felt a twinge of concern. Where were
the famous warbands of the Biretons, all painted in blue, and supposedly
as numerous as the leaves of the forest? Ah well, maybe they got left
behind in the speed of the attack.
Both sides approached cautiously, the Britins sending skirmishers to seize the ridge as expected, and sending more skirmishers to press through the wood on the left. These latter were held up quickly by the Pu She skirmishers, who gave ground slowly. In the centre, as the Pu Ping approached the gentle rise, a veil of skirmishers emerged over its lip, scurrying down the hillside. However, a devastating blast of archery from the Pu Ping quickly sent them scurrying back over the hilltop.
The chariotry on the Chinese left approached, wrapped in a blanket of Light horsemen, then dismounted, apparently eager to dash themselves against the advancing Pu Ping. However, their barbarian general, Velephaint, was in the forefront of the warband, and received the first flight of arrows from the Pu Ping, falling prone (10). This, together with a devastating charge by Lo Fat's cavalry in support, drove this wing back into rout, scattering them like leaves.
The Gok Turks had circled around the field, but were making little headway against the numerous Britysh horsemen on the right. Pu Ki urged the bulk of his archers forward, to approach the central ridge, when he caught sight of two more bodies of dismounted charioteers, stumbling over the crest of the hill. Again, their front rank held the general, waving a sword, his face unrecognisable beneath a swathe of blue dye. A couple of volleys of archery drove them back, but - showing their grit - they reformed and came on again, charging headlong towards the Pu Ping, only for the general to falter and die at the very feet of the Pu Ping.
With their chieftains slain, and the bulk of their nobility taken or killed, the remnants of the barbarians slunk from the field. Lo Fat was about to call off the pursuit, when he saw the barbarian general, Velephaint, vault to his feet, crying "Rally to me, lads! Rally to me!"(11) However, as there were only Chinese within hearing of him, his revival of the battle was most short-lived, and the Tents of the Gok now hold his skull as an ornamental drinking cup.
"Well, Pu Ki - another bunch of lunatic horsemen. Let's see if they'll charge you. You take the centre/left. I will deploy to your right, resting my flank by the Lake there, and post a few horse archers in that tangle of hills beside the lake. Llap, you take your Turks and conceal them behind that gentle rise on the extreme left. Once the Franks have gone past you, fall on their flank."
Pu Ki pulled at his moustache uncertainly. "These Franks are pretty fierce. If I just stand there, square on to them, they'll hit me like a wall, and it wouldn't take much good luck for them to break through me: then it would start to be a trifle exciting." Lo Fat considered this, eyes closed (and longing for a hot meal), then replied, "Very well, once they are advancing towards us, wheel forward from the left. I will advance the cavalry to cover your flank. That should break up their charge, as they try to align to you."
While they were pondering this, a Frankish envoy rode up, waving a rather dirty white handkerchief. Lo Fat and Pu Ki eyed him suspiciously, awaiting his words: "Milord Chinese, my commander, Comte le Cash, does bid to offer you peace. If you will but agree to give him all the mace, nutmeg and tumeric your land contains, he will withdraw his forces back home."
Lo Fat laughed. "Tell your master that if he does not immediately pay ten thousand taels' of silver in compensation, and withdraw at once, we will have him stuffed and boiled with the spices he salivates after, and delivered to his king in such fashion." A thought struck him, "Tell me, envoy, does your Comte bring a chef with him?" "Yes, millord, the most famed in all of Europe, Chef Martin Le Grand". Lo Fat smiled, and, as soon as the envoy had withdrawn, turned to Llap Gok. "Cancel that idea of attacking the French flank. Once they've gone past, ride like hell for their baggage - you can keep all you find, so long as you give me that chef, unharmed!" The Turkish delight was visible! Chief Llap rode off in a hurry, before Lo Fat could change his mind.
The French deployed a long long line of horsemen, facing both the Pu Ping and the cavalry of Lo Fat, while holding a large body of infantry facing the landward flank, alert for a flank march. To the French left they posted more foot, in two large columns, apparently planning to break through the terrain and cover the flank of the advance of their knights.
On rode the French chivalry, shaking the earth with their passage. On the Chinese right, the columns of French infantry were slowed and harassed by a scattering of skirmishers, both mounted and afoot, so that this flank of the French centre was laid bare.
On rode the French chivalry, their lancepoints bright in the sun. On the Chinese left, the Turks - overexcited, it may be - emerged from behind their hill, and started threatening the other flank of the centre. The Comte calmly detached a company of knights to deal with them.
On rode the French chivalry, the pennons shivering in the wind. The Chinese infantry swung like a door, wheeling forwards, to lie awry to the French advance. The Chinese cavalry trotted forward urgently to keep up.
On rode the French chivalry, their lances lowered, helms raised, ready to charge. The first volley of the chinese emptied many a saddle, and splintered open the French lines. The next volley drove them further apart, forming many splintered groups. The Turks, whooping, overran the French flankguard, then swooped on the rear of the French lines. The mass of the chinese cavalry held the knights that charged them, then the excess of Chinese started wrapping around enclosing the French.
First the French right broke, shrieking and fleeing from the archery
and the Turks - in their panic riding over Llap Gok and trampling him (13).
Last, the French Comte led a last despairing charge at Lo Fat, but succumbed
to the weight of numbers. Lo Fat personally led the race to the French
baggage, ignoring the routing French who were trying to surrender ...
Footnotes:
(1) Pu Ki had a low opinion of things Korean ...
(2) Which is why there were only 200 AP of T'ang for this DBm200 tournament
(3) Refer to 'Magistrate Quo-Feng and the Flying Crockery' for a fuller
explanation of this incident :)
(4) Campbell Millars' Northern Dynasty Chinese, all mounted
(5) Due to the whims of the dice, the T'ang (Agg:3) defended in all
three games :/
(6) Xinjiang had yet to develop sufficiently for home-delivery takeout
(7) Mounted Reg BwX in single rank
(8) Ancient Chinese proverb that Lo Fat just made up ....
(9) Mike Campbell's Ancient Britons
(10) Losing 3 elements with each dismounted charioteer WbS certainly
helped in this!
(11) Mike realised at the end of the battle that he'd neglected to
add +1 for the Wb(S) general, who therefore wasn't actually dead of archery-
a trifle late :/
(12) Peter Dunne's Medieval French
(13) His element got twice pushed back by a demoralised Kn, into the
side of another LH element. Here was my turn to cock up, as (a) I forgot
that demoralised elements dont follow up, and (b) it should have just pushed
the other LH element back anyway :/ However, instead the Turkish command
broke!