We all have to face some difficult situations in our journey through this life. And sometimes it is really good to know that we are not alone in our problems. Difficulty and challenge are pretty much universal in this world but it is the shared experience and wisdom of others that can make a real difference.
In this archive, you will find a selection of past correspondence that speaks of such difficulties and, often, also, speaks of flexible and strong solutions. A wide range of topics and concerns are covered. And it is likely that if you take a minute or two to browse around a bit, you will find something related to your current situation.
After having a quick read through letters related to your own issues, you may be in a better position to frame your questions more helpfully. The counselling and healing links available on the Free Spiritual Healing/Counselling page will provide you with many choices for support. Alternatively, for more personalised help, you might check the professional spiritual counselling and healing services available to you through the Transpersonal Psychotherapy web site.
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"I need to know what to do or understand about who I am and where I am going. Also, I would like to be at peace with myself."
You have already taken the first major steps toward real peace. Wanting to know who you are and where you are going in life are big questions. They are good questions. In fact, many people never get around to asking them. Your explorations of various belief systems are the beginnings of real spiritual enquiry, since if you follow your enquiries far enough, they will lead you to seriously consider what the spiritual aspects of this life might be.
The way to start finding possible answers comes from you. From what you currently know and believe. What seems important to you now? What are the things that you value most? What would you like to be doing? And what seems to be holding you back?
"I constantly feel the need to compete, experience intense anger and suffer from inadequacy and low self-esteem. Is pursuing a spiritual peace what I should be doing?"
Spirituality builds upon personal psychological health and well-being. They are not mutually exclusive and one area can support growth in the other, but the common progression is to develop a basic sense of self-worth and wholeness before plunging too deeply into more esoteric topics. The study of spiritual systems such as Tao at this point in your growth is in fact very helpful since it helps to broaden perspective and develop acceptance for others' beliefs.
"Why is spirituality a better solution than, say, self-help books and tapes or interactive groups?"
Self-help groups and materials are excellent resources for nurturing your inner self-worth and promoting a healthy, balanced sense of self ( or ego ). They are vital components which can be tapped and called upon throughout life. The spiritual path, though, is one that continues on beyond merely developing a healthy personality. At later stages of the journey, the goal is to develop the spiritual side of our being.
"Is there a way to do it under a hectic schedule and lifestyle?"
This is the common dilemma for those who have spiritual growth as one of their highest values, but who wish to remain living in the world under normal circumstances. The trick is to find something that you can leverage off of. That means, you use what you are already interested in to help heal and transform the parts of you that you might want to change. So for instance, you can take a job that more aligns with your beliefs; you can join spiritual interactive groups to further explore and develop your interest in this area; you can learn about prayer and meditation; you can volunteer service.
The hectic lifestyle that most of us labour under is an outer experience--it does not have to impinge on our thoughts and feelings to the degree that most folks believe. In fact, one result of spiritual practice is a mind and heart that are happy and at peace regardless of external circumstance.
In particular, one avenue you might like to learn more about is meditation. There are many kinds, but one type is especially relevant to your question about including spirituality into our daily lives. It is commonly referred to as self-remembering or mindfulness meditation. You may know it as Vipassana meditation ( from the Theravadin Buddhist tradition ) or Zen meditation ( from the Zen Buddhist tradition ). Likewise, there are various western esoteric groups that include aspects of self-remembering ( the Gurdjieff and Fourth Way schools, for instance ). Basically, you meditate on your everyday experience--that is, you don't ignore your life, instead you use it as the object of meditation. Such an approach is radically different than meditation on a single object--a technique which requires one's full attention so that nothing else can be done while engaging in it.
The end result of continued practice is that, on the surface--how you appear to others--you seem quite ordinary, but on the inside--in your mind and heart--you are meditating. Such practice can be extraordinarily transformative and healing and can lead to deep levels of relationship with the universe flow of life. You might like to scan through the book "A Path with Heart" by Jack Kornfield. It is an excellent, very readable introduction on this approach to spirituality.
"How do I identify what I want out of life and what I'm willing to sacrifice/pay to get it? I do feel very spiritual. I'm just not quite sure what to do with it."
The spiritual journey is a gradual one. There are plenty of landmarks and signs along the way to help us know just about where along the path we are. A general rule that applies to all areas of our lives is "stretch but don't tear". This means that we should be engaged in activities that are somewhat challenging and which force us to stretch our abilities and grow. "Don't tear" means that we need the wisdom to tackle jobs that will not overwhelm us. We need to know which life areas ( such as health, relationship, and spiritual awareness ) to particularly focus on given our current circumstances. There is no right or wrong choice in such a decision. Every human is unique and at a different stage of spiritual evolution. It is our responsibility to understand what the spiritual path is, and where it leads. Once we have a general idea about what spirituality means, we need to arrange our life to support us in the activities we want to engage in which will support us on the next leg of our journey.
Your heart is your most important ally in finding the right approach to life change for you. What you choose should feel interesting and align with your best ethical values. Take some time for reflection to consider what is really important to you now.
"I have been searching for alternative ways of correcting my health such as energy work."
Alternative approaches to health are especially good for non-chronic symptoms. These usually involve personal changes that lead to a healthier, more wholesome lifestyle. Such choices would accord with your exploration into ways for contacting your innermost feelings and values.
Energy work such as Reiki or the laying on of hands can be a useful component of your overall strategy for change. The most important part of that strategy, however, should be your own attitude and motivation. Without the drive and desire for change, nothing will ever really come about. You need to be honest with yourself and gauge your willingness to work for the changes that you want.
"I have some health problems and have come to believe that my life-style is a contributing factor."
You are quite right. Lifestyle is the key factor in our experience of life. If one is too stressed and burdened with unwanted situations, it will be difficult to grow or enjoy. You might consider what could be toned down, trimmed, or altogether removed from your busy daily schedule. By making a little more time and room for yourself, you give yourself the opportunity to get in contact with your own spirit and natural wisdom. If you are too busy, it is very difficult to fully make such a connection.
"I am interested in spiritual growth, especially 'prayer of the heart' and meditation."
Congratulations upon your forthcoming degree! You might be a little weary by now of all your readings but consider "Way of a Pilgrim" and "A Path with Heart" as two fine books to start with ( if you haven't visited with them already ). The first is the story of a Russian peasant who deepens his spirituality through intense repetition of the Jesus Prayer ( "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy upon me a sinner" ) and the second is an introduction to basic techniques of mindfulness meditation--although associated with Buddhism, they are non-denominational, very helpful, and practised by people in all walks of life.
If you'd prefer something a bit more active, you might consider service or some form of exercise / energy work. Having raised kids you know about what it means to stretch yourself to give and support others even when that giving rubs against your own needs. In fact, raising a family is probably one of the most accessible ways to begin the spiritual journey ( which is really just about bringing the kind of love and care you feel for your family to other folks and beings--people and beings you wouldn't normally consider as particularly close or important ). So follow your own instincts. You know yourself best. What kind of service would feel like you were making a contribution but also making somewhat of a personal stretch? It shouldn't be too easy or comfy but also shouldn't be so challenging that you become intimidated or unduly stressed ( life is tough enough--as you know ).
The other area, exercise / energy work, is important too. A person needs a healthy body--both physical and spiritual ( what is known as the soul, or energy body in modern terms ). Again choose what feels right. If you are searching for ideas you might consider something like Tai Chi, Yoga, gentle stretching, chanting / toning, or some form of meditation ( Vipassana, Zen and TM are good, practical choices ).
Well, hope things go well for you. Probably the most important thing is to have motivation. It doesn't really matter what you choose to do as long as it is vaguely related to a sense of goodwill and wholesomeness. Life has a way of helping you along if you are consistent with your focus.
"I have had many psychic experiences since childhood but I don't tell people. Still, I feel like I'm supposed to do something important!"
You are fortunate to have a faith in spiritual reality that is born of experience and not just thought or hope! Really, you've already taken a first major step in your spiritual journey. The secret to doing something important is having two things: first, an idea of where to go and what to do, and, second, the motivation to continue on with the journey even when the going is rough ( as it occasionally is for all of us ). Your experiences form a solid basis for your motivation.
"I used to be a work-a-holic, now I'm a mom-a-holic. I think I need balance."
Service to others is traditionally one of the most important and compelling ways to develop spiritually. And the natural road to this is of course family life. So you're right on target here again! But as you say, keep a handle on yourself and pace yourself--the spiritual journey is lifelong, there are no quick fixes or miracles. The real miracle is in living day-to-day with an increasing appreciation for just the miracle of being alive. And maybe, if we can, it's living with a bit more caring for ourselves, our families and all others.
"Some people say that Truth is within."
Truth is everywhere. Both on the inside and the outside. On the inside, in our hearts, we can come to know this Truth in a very intimate and wholesome way. So sometimes it is easier to make the connection on the inside. But that doesn't mean you can't also do so on the outside in everyday living! What you need to begin to develop is an attitude that "yeah, this too is part of the Divine lightshow". Then you will begin to have a good relation with all the circumstances of your life. Even those that are difficult and not so pleasant.
"I am after an always Happy state in the Now."
Well you can get it. But you should know that spiritual experience like anything else in life has a price to it. You have to work at it and develop it over the course of time. There are very few instant fixes on the journey. Meditation and energy work ( like yoga or qi gong ) are very important aspects of reaching a deep level of Happiness in the Now. There are many types of meditation. At this stage for you, practically any style can be of real help. You can check out any metaphysical bookstore or search around the net some more to find plenty of good resources and ideas for further discovery. Good luck with your travels along this road.
"I would like to learn how to meditate."
Great! Meditation is practically the best thing going in this life. It can open doors for you that nothing else in the entire world can even come close to helping with.
"I'm studying martial arts."
Zen is particularly associated with the martial arts so you might give it a bit of extra attention.
"I have heard that some people meditate with prayers in the Buddhist religion."
Short prayers are called mantras. They are usually repeated over and over again and can result in a very still mind and deep open heart. Buddhists use mantras as well as longer prayers as part of their religious activities.
"I think the branch I'm looking for is Tantric Buddhism."
Maybe. You should definitely check it out but be forewarned that it is a very esoteric practice. Which means that they will be concerned with achieving levels of spiritual insight and experience which sometimes are a bit beyond everyday experience. Other traditions such as Zen and Vipassana place much more emphasis on the everyday nature of spiritual experience--which can be a help, especially when one is just beginning the journey along the spiritual path.
Tibetan masters, themselves, teach that the appropriate approach to their religion is to first learn the basics of Buddhism. As suggested, you can do this through study of traditions such as Zen, or, you can learn the basics directly from a Tibetan teacher!
"I would like to know if there are any of these free spiritual healing places in my town because I really would like to know. I am 13 years old and I am most probably too young for the treatment but could you reply to me with some information?"
Well, most churches are healing places. The pastor ( or father or elder or leader ) will usually always be glad to pray for you. So maybe you aren't too young for some spiritual healing if you want some.
You will also find that many religious organisations ( Christian, Buddhist, Muslim and many others ) have some outreach program to help people in need. So there too you might find some free healing. All you usually have to do is ask. And that's important. It often takes courage to ask for help. Lots of people are too proud to admit that they need help and that's not so good because we all need a little help now and then.
Hope you can learn some more about religion and spiritual nature.
By the way, there is one other way to get free spiritual healing and you can usually get it anywhere and at any time. Do you believe in God? Well, it just so happens that He is everywhere and can hear our sincere prayers. So if ever you are in real trouble, try and remember to ask Him for some help. It works!
"Our lives are just changing I guess."
You know, that's just the way things go in this world. One change after another. It's really not too smart to try and fight change because it just happens naturally and constantly. What you can do, is to have a good attitude towards it. This means that it's best to try and not cling too tightly to the lifestyles, relations and possessions that we are comfortable with since they are temporary at best.
Everything changes. No relation, no fat bank account, nothing ever lasts. Of course such things are good while we can enjoy them but the key trick to dealing with their eventual passing is to understand that our hearts don't have to be destroyed when we lose them. Of course losing a good relation isn't any fun--it can downright hurt a lot. But the old saying that goes "when one door closes another opens" is quite true. You see, if you hold on to the past--your relation--then in effect, you are holding on to the old door handle and will never really be in position to enter the new door when it arrives.
So cheer up! Any problem can usually still be helpful by teaching us patience and wisdom. For instance, in your case, you might decide that your partner is really worth being with and so find ways to get back together. On the other hand, after some reflection you might realise that your close relation has run its course and it's probably better just to be friends--if you can--at this stage.
"I realise that I have to take a different initiative in my life."
You are wise in realising this. The more open you can be to your experiences--all of them, both good and bad--the better your position will be to deal with them. Finding out what to do next is possible too.
The first step in any process of change is awareness that something in fact needs to be changed. Fortunately, you have already taken that step. The next step of course is to have some goal or direction in mind. Your heart is your best friend in this matter. It has a natural wisdom. If you open and listen to it, there is every chance that you will discover those areas that are important for your well-being and growth at this stage of your journey through life.
"He has been trying to manipulate me into exploring sex with other partners (swinging, threesomes, etc.), and I find this quite disturbing."
You sound quite open to supporting him regardless of his habits--which is a very wise thing, since nagging hardly ever has any possibility of bringing about change. However, I feel it is also prudent to draw the line when your partner's habits directly conflict with your own ethics and values. Your approach to this situation really depends on the quality of relation you have established with your mate. The basis of a good partnership is open communication with an eye towards mutual support--in essence, whatever the problem, you both should go for a win-win solution. If this is basically the case for you, then probably the better approach is to be up front and firm about your feelings on the matter. Try to find the underlying reason for his new-found interest in this area and work to help mitigate that. His interest in swinging is likely a symptom and not the cause of the real problem. One idea is to use your skills in massage to deepen your own physical relation with him--both in a sexual and non-sexual context. I find that often with my partner, the best thing to do after a falling out is just to give her some massage--say a foot massage or a shiatsu treatment. No words are needed but there is a communication that occurs--as you know--and like magic, often at the end we are in a much better place to talk in a productive manner. Let your own wisdom guide you in this area.
"I have been involved in metaphysics for about twenty years now."
Good stuff! A spiritual understanding can help to anchor your heart when you get tossed around a bit at the personal level. For sure, emotional well-being is a key foundation for all genuine spiritual growth. However once you start to really have some spiritual insight you begin to find that you can ease up a bit on clinging to your emotions--though it's nice for things to be "perfect", you can begin to feel ok with a little emotional turmoil heaped your way. Basically your interests gradually change and you start to consider life beyond the borders of your own bodymind.
"Our relationship has evolved into more of a friendship than a romance. I'm no longer physically attracted to her."
Well that's ok. How long are you two going to be young and beautiful anyway? What's important is to put this change in your relation into a spiritual context. If your need for emotional support really must have a romantic turn to it, then ok--accept that and get on with your life. But where are you going? In the letter you talk a lot about what you are leaving behind but not much about where you're off to? In my experience, genuine changes occur when you have a strong reason to put in the effort and make the sacrifices ( which, for you, are emotional ).
Remember Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind? One of his neat axes was "For something, against nothing." This means that in order to effect change, we have to know what we want and not just deny what we don't want. Clearly you're unhappy with the relation as it now is, but what is it that you're wanting? Specifically. Could the relation be salvaged or reframed? How about finding some new common interests to generate the spark again? What part does relation play in your life--how important is it in view of other things: spirituality, finance, security, excitement?
"I feel good about my decision but sorry for the pain it will bring us."
Ok. But again, what in particular is it that this change will do for you? "Making it better again" as an answer could be coming from a subpart of your personality that at the moment has some leverage on your actions but which in the longer term may not be such a wise part of your psyche. You need to find some ways to check your own integrity at a really deep level. And usually such a core part of you has some strong direction in life. In my case, it has been a drive to develop spiritually. When you know what this core part of your psyche is, you can check whether your actions in regard to separating are in accord with your deepest beliefs or possibly coming from another part of your personality.
You have wisely checked with a counsellor and some friends regarding your "9 year itch". I think you could probably be just as happy staying in the relation as bailing out of it. Whatever you choose, choose it with firmness and accept the consequences. In that way you will affirm your own innate wisdom and probably won't go too far astray regardless of which path you drive along.
"I am not happy and I feel I am not connected to others."
It's wonderful that you have taken a yogic lifestyle for so many years. Remember Swami Satchitananda's book Integral Yoga way back in the early 70's? It was my first exposure and something I read early on in the introduction has stayed with me ever since. Swamiji said that to practise you don't necessarily have to give up your bad habits or even change much of anything about yourself. All you have to do is practise and the great river of yoga will naturally and automatically carry you along to better shores! Well, for you it seems that there are some aspects that are still waiting to develop and blossom. That's ok. I have had similar experiences myself and only recently--in the last couple of years--have I made significant progress in the area of relationships. So cheer up.
What this means is that perhaps you and I haven't been practising a full yoga practice all these years. That is, remember, there are eight limbs to raja yoga and hatha/pranayama/meditation start AFTER the first two. So, at least in my case, what I have discovered after many years is that I have tended to work with those areas that I'm most comfortable with ( and hence have had the least need of since there is already some balance there ).
To feel connected requires work with the first and second stages of the path: particularly aspects like service to others. It is a fact that if you give of yourself in an unselfish way, your heart will soften. It will warm up and also be healed. As you know, this is because we really are all interconnected in this realm of existence. The great yogis have said this and it is so. What we need--both you and I--is to feel this truth more deeply at a heart level. And what seems to work best is service. Another helpful way is to join a group with like interests. Siddha Yoga ( Gurumayi's group ) is really good since they focus a lot on opening the heart through bhajan and kirtan. You might want to check with them or a similar group.
"It is very difficult for me to communicate at an intimate level with people."
Don't worry it will come. It must come if you remain faithful to the yogic path. Healing ( of all sorts ) occurs at different rates for each of us. What we can do is to notice when the pain becomes too difficult and adjust our approach a bit. So stay with your practice but also find some ways to complement it that work on heart energy. As I've said, the best ways are service, group work, and also psychotherapy. If you haven't explored therapy you might also check this area out--it doesn't have to be an admission of defeat. Therapy is just a way of helping different subparts of our personality to express themselves in more wholesome ways. Psychosynthesis is a very good approach that complements the spiritual path. Likewise any humanistic approach, such as Gestalt or Jungian, is ok too. Best of wishes.
"I feel that the answer to solving this mess is to acknowledge that I don't need others to affirm that I am a loveable person and certainly not one worthy of abandonment. By not associating his disinterest with my previous feelings of rejection, will I actually manage to break out of this unhappy cycle?"
Probably not unless you get him actively involved in considering your needs right now--not "oh, it'll be ok in a year or two". You are right to say that we all deserve to be happy and fulfilled regardless of outer circumstance. However, you should equally affirm that, for you, a good relationship is very important and it is worthwhile learning about what is really needed to help one grow and last.
Sacrifice is one aspect--putting aside our own wants in support of our partner's needs. It's good that you're comfortable with this but you might want to consider whether this give-and-take is going both ways. Often we don't let ourselves see what is happening in a relation because we're not ready to face up to what it would mean. But if we can, we should honestly consider whether we are also getting enough emotional support right now--the possibility of a future blossoming is ok but can be deceptive--it's better to insist on at least some level of care and attention from your partner right now.
You can try to find some more common activities that you both can spend time together at. Particularly helpful--if you both are open to it--would be joining a self-help group in some area of spirituality, personal development or relationship building. But anything at all will do! Dancing, boating, dinner, a movie. I think this area is the key. My partner presently isn't too excited about a lot of the things that I am, so I have had to make a real effort to be interested in some of her own likes. It sounds as if you are pursuing this avenue for your partner. Is he really doing the same for you? Since you are not too deeply involved yet, if you can, it would be good to really think about this honestly.
Whatever you decide about the relation is ok. Just keep coming back to the idea that you want a relationship that works--one that has both people giving of themselves to each other. Feel it in your heart as deeply as you can and that will help your judgement and serve as a good guide for your actions.
"What I would sincerely appreciate is some idea of how to communicate through her anger."
The challenge is that a long-term relation has built up really deep unconscious patterns. Fortunately even though she is now in a time of resentment there are also streams of willingness and co-operation in her psyche as well. Your task is to find ways to gently shift her towards them. Gently, gradually. Your current problem comes from quite a while of dysfunctional relation. It will take a while to unwind it. Your first and most important job is to be aware of your own response and feeling towards her anger. If you can be present with it in a non-judgemental way, you have hope of some emotional space within which you can act from a place of integrity and some power. Even if you are crushed and bitter yourself, you will still be able to find an inner smile and courage to continue on with the long work of regaining her trust and affection. ( Emotions are neither good nor bad--it is our response and reaction to them that becomes so. )
You can take heart in the fact that you have been together a long while. Thus there is real gold in both of your subconscious minds. That gold comes from all the good times that you've had. It is your chief ally and hope. Keep reminding both her and yourself, in a non-destructive way, that you have had good times, you are still having an occasional good time and if you both will only let it be so, you can have many more good times to come.
Finding some new and different activity to do together can be a real help at this time as well. In essence it provides a new backdrop so that both of you will feel that there is something mildly exciting happening. Then, perhaps, it may be possible to change your current unhelpful patterns into a lighter form. Good luck to you. Try and take every day as new--it will help. Humour too is a reliable friend.
"I saw a lot of suffering when I was too young to handle the experience. Should I try to re-experience the traumas?"
First work to ground yourself out. It sounds as if what you can use most is some real support and friendship. Something really stable. By building up your confidence in your own value as a human, you will slowly reclaim your right to basically trust in the process of living. You might consider joining a self-help group--one that is either spiritually or psychologically oriented. It can be really rewarding to share your own experiences with others in a safe setting. Such group work is also good since it lets you know that you aren't alone. We all have problems of one sort or another and at more or less regular intervals. It's just the way things go. Reliving and reframing traumatic experiences is very helpful but also very powerful. So if you want to pursue along these lines at present, maybe you can check, and work, with a good therapist or counsellor--or even a close friend who will really support you.
"I have difficulty trusting my own immune system--and God."
Trust in life can be lost if one takes on too much hardship. And trust can be regained if one takes the time and effort to nurture its growth. Perhaps you can use your problem as the source for finding reasons to trust more in others and life? For instance, you might be motivated to learn more about health-related issues and various ways of improving yourself such as diet, exercise, right thinking, and being socially active and caring. If you are inclined, you might like to find a group that meditates or prays on a regular basis and join in once in a while. Any style of meditation is ok--the group should just feel grounding and wholesome.
"I don't fear death, but I do fear disease and suffering."
Disease is a bummer. So is suffering. In fact, death is more of the same rap. So probably, after you deal with your immediate problems, you might like to come back and consider the whole notion of death a bit more closely. You find a real key to living when you really understand, accept, and respect death. If you get the time, check out some of the eastern teachings on the meaning of life and death.
"I am in need of healing for my allergies."
If they are chronic, you might check in with a regular physician. If they aren't quite that severe, you're better bet is to work with alternative approaches that deal with the entire human--body, mind, heart, and spirit. These include things like flower essences, body therapies, yoga, tai chi, positive thinking, macrobiotic and vegetarian diets, and spiritual development.
"I am experiencing headaches and back pain."
Physical pain often has root causes in how we take care of ourselves. Along with listening to your doctor's advice you might also like to consider alternative approaches to health that address the whole person instead of just the presenting symptoms. Excessive stress can be a major contributor to disease and these approaches often help with relieving it. You might check around on the Internet for info on topics such as diet ( which possibly can help reduce the severity of headaches ), exercise ( e.g. any form of gentle stretching to help relieve tightness and improve circulation ), and the various forms of body-oriented therapies ( eg. massage, shiatsu, rolfing ). If your migraines are related to structural problems, working with a chiropractor or cranial osteopath can be very helpful.
"I have had MS since 1990. At present it only results in severe muscle spasms in my legs."
To get a cart moving that is stuck in the mud, one has to push hard and for a while and often get a couple of friends to help as well. Problems are an intrinsic part of existence in this level of reality--we should use them as spurs to become stronger, healthier and wiser. So far you have been building a groundwork and a head of steam to find those folks, and your own resources, that will help you deal with your condition in the best possible way. Just because you haven't had the results you want so far is no reason to relent on your efforts. Fortunately you are in fact doing just that--finding the right healing methods for yourself. Please keep at it, since if you are diligent long enough, with a sufficiently wise choice of direction, you must succeed.
"I have been to a variety of conventional and alternative doctors with no results."
Physical problems express disharmony. You should patch up the symptoms but invest most of your time in finding and fixing the causes. Dis-ease can stem from physical, emotional, mental, psychic, or spiritual levels. Which of these areas have your doctors worked with?
"I'm currently listening to Deepak Chopra's wonderful tapes and doing visualisation on a daily basis."
Good move! You're on the right track. This is work at the emotional and mental level--so if the causes of your symptoms begin from this level, you will over time weed them out and subsequently quite possibly heal yourself. Regardless, we all can use more support at these levels, so please keep up with your work in this area.
"Any other suggestions would be much appreciated."
Work at the bioenergetic ( psychic or auric ) level is really important for you. Physical symptoms can sometimes be miraculously cured by healing at this level ( not always but there is a definite relation between physical symptoms--of all kinds--and the aura ).
Along the lines of self-help you should learn qigong or some other technique that directly works with the body's biofield. Check out the web. One page which will help you get started right away is at: http://www.qi.org, look under "How to practice Fragrant Qigong." A couple other pages at http://www.chilel-qigong.com/index.htm and http://dolphin.upenn.edu/~yxqa1/intro/9step.html are worth a look.
Along the lines of getting help, you can check with spiritual healers, folks doing radionics, and folks working with electroacupuncture devices ( these are the coming tools of future medicine ).
"Would you provide us with some information on infertility?"
We are made up of different levels of experience: physical, emotional, mental, psychic and spiritual. A health problem usually has a locus--a place where it stems from. So for instance, challenging feelings such as unhappiness and loneliness can manifest not only in emotional problems but also in other areas such as the body.
Hopefully your friend has worked with conventional doctors to check that physically she is ok and capable of having children. That is an important first step. If there really isn't much of a physical problem then the other areas need to be addressed. She can work with self-help materials and groups to explore her own beliefs and feelings. It does happen that uncovering and releasing repressed emotional materials ( say a problematic childhood relation with a parent ) can sometimes have very positive effects in other areas of being.
When the healing is on the physical level this phenomena falls into the area known as psychosomatic medicine. All manner of seemingly impossible or improbable diseases and conditions can be improved. Healing does not always occur but it happens often enough that your friend might want to consider further work and investigation in this area.
The same effects can occur at more subtle levels of experience. This is the area of spiritual healing and miracle. Again, it is really nothing mysterious, just a more subtle version of the psychosomatic effect between mind / heart and the body.
"I would like some insight into creating willingness to let my Higher Power direct my eating. I had a good relationship with my Higher Power about this issue but I've relapsed and have not been willing to try this approach again."
You already have proven that your Higher Power can support you. Two things are important for you to know. The first is that PATIENCE is a key trait that all people who succeed in spiritual achievement share in common. This means that it is perfectly alright to fall down when trying to do something--as long as you pick yourself up again. It doesn't matter how many times you fall, only that on the last try you pick yourself back up again. In fact, it doesn't matter how far you fall down either--only how far you rebound back up. No one really cares how many times a batter strikes out--only how many home runs were hit! So even if you are discouraged now, it will pass--as all things do--and you will get another chance. This is just the way things work in this world.
Second, a great tool for dealing with stubborn problems is to use visualisation and affirmation. So if the amount of food going in is the problem, see yourself doing and enjoying exercise. And also affirm the same thing at the same time: "I like biking. I'm getting fit. It's ok." Likewise, if not enough exercise is the bugbear, maybe you can visualise something else positively that will help correct the problem.
Motivation is the key to physical well-being. It is the basis for techniques such as diet and exercise. So another way to work with this issue is to spend some time reflecting on being fit. Perhaps take 5-10 minutes, find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and think back over your experiences in this area--also think about how you actually are at present. Don't judge your thoughts and memories. Rather let their feelings and images sweep through you like waves at the seashore or clouds sailing in the sky. The key is to remain open to what your reflection may bring up--whether the thoughts are good or bad. After awhile, think about how you would like to be. At this point you are being more assertive than during the first part of the meditation. You should try to be confident and feel deserving. Visualise yourself as slender and energetic. Feel yourself that way. Get a bit excited and say a couple of affirmations that epitomise your hope and belief. To end the session, again basically become receptive to the thoughts and images that your affirming may have brought up. Accept them--both good and bad--since this is just how you are and who you are at the present. And, of course, be encouraged by your positive visualisation and find ways to achieve it. The actual ways that work best for you will become apparent naturally through this method since it activates your own subconscious mind and higher self.
"I have a strong interest in healing and would like to learn as much as possible about alternative medicine and energies."
Good on you! These are really worthwhile things to learn about and incorporate into our daily lives. The following is a little about an energetic technique of healing called Reiki. It is a form of spiritual healing. The energies used are very gentle and subtle vibrations. Reiki can be applied by a healer either through a passive hands-on approach or via absent healing. A recipient of a hands-on treatment often notices that there is a gentle, calming warmth, and sometimes a slight tingling, coming from the healer's hands. Reiki is a very soothing therapy.
It was founded by a Japanese Christian-Buddhist scholar by the name of Usui in the early decades of this century. His rediscovery of the Reiki energy passed through two other teachers before it reached the west. There are now many teachers and schools of Reiki but they all derive from the original teachings from Dr Usui. Often there are some spiritual principles that are also taught when one is learning to become a Reiki practitioner. Reiki can be applied to anything or anyone--including oneself.
"What exactly do you mean by spiritual healing?"
There are three main aspects to our experience of life in this dimension of existence. The most obvious is that there is some sort of structure ( or consistency ) to the thing--otherwise the whole place would fall apart and we wouldn't be experiencing anything at all. The second fact is that the structure is "noisy"--sort of like a tv with bad reception. So we all have problems and troubles at various times in our journeys through life. The third aspect is that there is a general impulse for this dimension to get less noisy--so we have a chance to improve our conditions both materially and spiritually. Spiritual healing is just allowing oneself to be aligned with that natural universal impulse towards greater wholeness and wellness.
"They would be healed by themselves by generating their own energy and also by receiving the world's healing vibrations."
Exactly. As an example, in Osteopathy there are two modes of healing: direct and indirect. Direct means you force fix the problem. Indirect means you let clients take the lead and fix themselves--in essence you are just facilitating the process by following their own natural body wisdom and supporting it in its self-correction. Both styles have their place and are appropriate at times. In general though, the indirect method is the most effective way to help others.
So, to sum up: healing is real--it occurs at different rates for varying reasons but the overall direction of this reality is towards health and balance.
"I've been fighting to keep out the "black smoke" of other people's feelings."
There are various approaches to dealing with a sensory overload that stems from heightened awareness. I remember a gifted clairvoyant in California who talked about her early experiences: she used to walk down the street and become engulfed in the significance of each person's aura as they passed by--in effect everybody's past and coming life story would flood into her consciousness in the form of lights and images. She related how she had to struggle with gaining control of that avalanche of information. Eventually she learned how to filter or block out material that she wasn't interested in. In essence she was saying "yes to this bit, no to that bit."
Another approach is to become transparent to the whole stream of sights and feelings. This is the heart of Buddhist meditation practice ( for instance, Vipassana or Zen ). You are still very much engaged in the world and become ever more open and touchable but in the core of your mind and heart there is a letting go--a "not clinging onto experiences" that leads to an inner calmness regardless of what the outer climate might be.
The black smoke technique ( refer to A Healing Meditation on the Spiritual Healing page ) is a very powerful and advanced tool to help one cut through one's obsession with oneself. Its main purpose really isn't to help you cope with being "overly sensitive". Probably learning mental control through meditation and psychic development along with some psychological work ( therapy, group work, self-help ) is the best approach for desensitising an excess of psychic impressions. This is more along the lines of the first approach mentioned above. Of course, being a basically Buddhist technique, the black smoke meditation is a form of the second method of "not clinging".
Personally, I have some experience with both ways of coping. The second approach is harder but in the longer run it is a much deeper and more fruitful journey. I think a combination of both is the best bet.
"I have read that people in recovery sometimes go through different stages in their spiritual growth."
Life on this earth is nothing but one long recovery for each and every one of us. We are all growing towards greater spiritual awareness and wholeness. It is just that some of us grow at different rates and sometimes we have to even backslide a bit before we can move on. But the core reality is that we really are all moving towards Light. It's wonderful to hear that you have regained your balance in relation to your health and now are gaining an interest in spiritual matters.
There are basically three distinct stages in the evolution of spiritual consciousness. First, you must hear the truth about spirituality from genuine sources--and there are very many. Second, you need to ponder what you have heard and come to terms with your innermost feelings to find what, of all that you have heard, rings true for you. Third, and most importantly, you need to put what you have learned and accepted into action.
So, you are at the beginning of the journey and really need to find some friends to join you in your explorations. Read as many books on esoteric and spiritual topics as you can. Join some groups that are interested in the inner work of spiritual development. Take some notes. Discuss what you learn. And, take your time! It is a long travel and will take a while. Good luck to you.
"I would like to know if it's in my highest interest to continue negotiating and take the position, or if something more "me" will materialise soon?"
We each need to establish a balance between finding work that really appeals to us and the reality of needing to earn a living at whatever is available. You are in a good position to deal with this issue since you have actively searched the job market and now found a potentially good offer. Such motivation is the key to success in getting the work you want. It is the basis for all other techniques such as negotiating and networking contacts.
Consider reflecting on your relation to work and the need to make a living. Take a couple of minutes to find somewhere quiet, sit comfortably and think back over your experiences. Don't judge them, instead let their feelings and images sweep through you like waves at the seashore or clouds sailing by in the sky. Remain open to your reflections--whether good or bad.
Next, think assertively about how you would like your worklife to be. Visualise yourself in your ideal job. Feel what it would be like. To complete the meditation, again become receptive to the feelings that your affirmations have dredged up. Allow them to be regardless of their content. In this way, you will find your own path to right livelihood.
"My challenge is transcending through old beliefs concerning money."
Your vision and effort to help women uplift their self-image regarding financial abundance is wonderful. You rightly recognise that for change to occur, a person needs motivation, knowledge, and support. It is interesting that you are working to help others with an area that you yourself also want to grow within. You might like to consider the following general observation in regard to your own situation.
It is commonplace for those in the therapeutic community to seek to help others in just those areas that they themselves need the most healing with. This has mixed blessings. On the up side, a person can share her or his first-hand experiences and know full well how a client feels. On the more challenging front, often healers are projecting some part of their own shadow persona onto their clientele--in effect they are trying to heal themselves through the metaphor of healing "others" in need.
To be most helpful to others with issues about money, basically three things are required. First, it is best to have survived money problems oneself. Second, one must have achieved some level of balance and success with money ( it need only be moderate but it should clearly feel like a difference has been made from the previous problematic relation ). Third, one needs to fully accept one's success with money and then let go of clinging to that success--one doesn't have to give up a desired lifestyle; it is important though to give up the attachment to wealth and its attendants.
Holding on to money--or anything for that matter--causes a loss of flexibility in one's attitude and heart. And for the purposes of empowering others, this is just not a skilful approach. What a client is asking for more than anything else ( if even only unconsciously ), is for help with awareness in the area being counselled. The clearer you are, the clearer you clients will be.
As you know from your spiritual work, money is just one form of a universal principle. It is a fact that at a very deep level, the universe can be taken as infinitely fruitful. This is the experience of many spiritual masters. In the ordinary world we, as humans, have almost impossibly confounded ourselves about this and we all have come to expect the problems and limitations that are the lot of day-to-day existence. You are using all the right tools to reframe this unhelpful outlook. Perseverance combined with the third point above--letting go of the process and its results--will get you what you want.
"At present I am unemployed, barely getting by from day to day."
Remember the key components to a successful life:
1) philosophy - having the right ideas about your experiences
2) attitude - having the right belief about life and yourself
3) actions - doing the right things based on your philosophy / attitude
4) results - checking that your actions get the wanted results
5) lifestyle - living your life in the way you want
"I pray, meditate, visualise and confirm everyday."
You've got the right philosophy! One thing for you to remember is that both the inner and outer lives are important. In fact they are really flip sides of the same thing--like two sides of a coin. So your inner richness should spill over into the everyday world or else it is really not so rich after all! Day-to-day living may seem very commonplace and harsh at times but it is a reflection of Spirit as much as any inner experience. Inner and outer are the same thing. They deserve the same respect and attention. So give some of your energies to developing your outer life also. You will then find that outer treasures can be yours as well as inner ones. This is more than pop psychology--it is metaphysical law. You just need to accord yourself with this principal.
"I am treated with little dignity."
This is not in accord with the attitude that "I'm alright and deserve to have a fulfilling life." So, maybe you can work in this area a bit? There are loads of good self-help books and web self-help resources ( to start, you can search for "self-help" and "mental health" ). Also, a very positive approach is to join a group of folks who are into self-actualisation.
"Although my inner life is rich, my outer life seems to be in a shambles."
This is the fundamental area to be honest with yourself about. It is a clear reflection of both your actions and their results. Both parts are important. Your actions may seem good ( for instance you are driving towards some goal ) but if the results aren't monitored and realistically evaluated ( for instance you may be driving in circles ), you still might not get what you want. So the key here is self-awareness and psychological balance. You have to be aware of what is happening and you have to be able to judge truthfully what the implications are. Towards developing good actions, you can learn about goal setting and time management skills. These may seem pretty hum-drum and unexciting but in fact they are very important techniques that apply to all areas of living and not just to business. Even success in spiritual development hinges on the proper use of making the most out of the precious little free time that we all have. So again, check out books, web resources, and group work!
Buddhist meditation techniques such as Vipassana and Zen are helpful additional techniques for developing a clear ability to perceive just what the heck is going on in the moment. But the vital first step is to get your head and heart right, which means getting some mental and emotional support from others. Remember to get help you have to ask! And we all need the help of others at times--it's ok, finding the encouragement we all need is part of the plot of living in this world.
"I just don't know what to do. It has been very dark at times."
You really want a life filled with light! This is a choice for your lifestyle. If you sincerely follow through with a reasonable philosophy, an upbeat attitude about yourself and others, develop some challenging but reasonably achievable goals, and honestly check out how the world around you is responding to your actions, you must eventually succeed in improving your life and finding the resources and space to build your life in a way more aligned with your highest values.
"How can I be of help to others and have a career out of it. Astrology has always been an interest of mine, and I like psychology too."
Seems like a natural thing to put astrology and counselling together. If you have ever had a reading, you know that there is a lot of room for psychological interpretation. In fact, you could provide both spiritual and psychological guidance to those who come to you for a reading. Matrix Software in Michigan has some really good software for sale. There is also a fairly decent free program available on the Net called Astrolog. You can ask the alt.astrology user group where to find it. It provides charts and the basic transit and progression information. Making a career out of it might require a bit of work. For sure, you can begin just by yourself and slowly build up a clientele. Another way might be to study at an astrology school or train in some psychotherapeutic modality. That way you would have some type of certification and make contacts in your field. It is usually easiest to begin a new business by buying into an existing one rather than starting one from scratch. So you might want to join some other folks working in your field--for instance at an alternative health centre.
"More than anything, I feel I need healing for my emotional body. On a mental level, I have a very active and creative mind ... I really identify with the spiritual qualities of service and compassion. I feel I lack the spiritual qualities of joy, equanimity, serenity. I am able to help others, but am unable to help myself."
Meditation is not the only way to get in contact with the Divine. You might want to consider working through emotional channels. For instance, I basically used prayer for 6 years as my main practice. It was a practice that developed devotion and surrender, and through that, a spirit of renunciation and desire to help others.
If you embrace service with all your heart, it can not help but lead to joy and peace for you. This is just the way the body-mind-heart works. On the other hand if you serve basically motivated from a mental place, you can miss out on much of the warmth. A warmth that will melt a lot of the secret hard places still lingering around in your psyche. This is one of the major lessons I have been learning myself in recent years.
You are quite skilled already at helping others but there seems to be a block in the emotional content of what you are doing. Helping others should ground you into your most basic feelings of compassion. From the resulting wisdom you should be feeling a sense of contentment. But you are not?
One approach is to throw yourself more fully into the service you do. This approach is known as Karma Yoga in the Hindu tradition--it particularly suits extroverts. If your astrological constitution is more watery, you might include work with Bhakti Yoga--which was the approach I began my journey with.
I feel you are quite self-aware and most likely really just need a steady stream of encouragement. So make sure that the healer gets some healing as well. Of course, you are well aware that simple approaches to your health situation such as diet, environment, and exercise can work wonders all by themselves.
"I need prayers and I need to pray. Although I am a Christian, I need to learn how to pray and meditate. I need counseling. I need help. P.S.: Can you tell me what is "Christian Prayer of the Heart" and how do you practise?"
Prayer is probably the most important thing we can do while we are alive on this earth. The world is a confusing, and as you know, terrifying place at times. I am glad to hear that you are a Christian and recognise the need to pray. The "Prayer of the Heart" helped me endure much loneliness, sadness, and frustration during a very difficult period in my life. It is a simple adaptation of the Jesus Prayer which Russian Orthodox Christians have said for many hundreds of years.
The Jesus Prayer is: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me, a sinner." It is repeated many times. The more it is repeated and the longer it is repeated, the better one becomes in one's heart. For instance, it can be said continuously for 30 minutes or an hour.
The "Prayer of the Heart" is: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us all." Also, sometimes I have found it good to occasionally recite the following variation: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, does have mercy upon us all." The first prayer is one of supplication. It opens the heart and brings humility and a caring devotion for God. The second prayer is also important. It is an innocent, trusting affirmation that goodness will ultimately prevail in our lives. Saying several rosaries of the first and then one rosary of the second is a good proportion to use.
If neither of the previous are acceptable, you might want to use Our Lady's prayer: "Hail Mary, Mother of God, blessed are't thou and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Have mercy upon us sinners now and in the hour of our death."
There are many help groups around for those with health problems. You should contact some of them and find the ones that are appropriate for you. Through them you can find out what you can do in other ways to help with your recovery. They can tell you about things like alternative therapies, diet, mental attitude, and keeping in contact with others.
One final point: You are not alone in your illness, although I know that it feels that way at times. Many others have similar or worse problems. Along with reciting the rosary, you can also add a prayer that offers up your suffering to God for the sake of all those others who are in similar or worse trouble. It is as if you tell God that you now understand what real pain is all about. You have felt it. And now you feel sorry--if even only a little bit--for all those other folks too. So you ask God if you can take on some of their suffering willingly--if even only a little bit--in order to help them out of their problems. This prayer is most mysterious. It works to calm the heart and can help with your healing as well. I don't pretend to understand how it works, but I can tell you that it does. I think it is the attitude, maybe, since my sufferings haven't increased all that much even though I am asking for more! May you find shelter in the Lord and Our Lady.
"I have forgiven her, but she acts like she has not forgiven herself. Sometimes I think that maybe I did something to her in a past life that she is returning the karma."
In the end, it is really not all that important what the reasons are for our experiences. WHAT to do to make them better and HOW to do it are the vital things. WHY something occurs can help with understanding but relative to WHAT and HOW it is secondary. You have already begun the healing with your mother by forgiving her for her past mistake.
It can be very helpful to let her know that you accept her now--just as she is--and also that you have no expectation of how she should be regarding this issue--you just want her best and want to support her in coming to terms with her grief. Telling people straight out what to do, unless sincerely and directly asked for, usually isn't much help. And even then, people will not change until they are ready--regardless of whether they have the best advice in the world!
So try to be gentle with your mother. Allow her to experience her own hurt and guilt. Try to find a way to do something together that is wholesome and fun for both of you. "Time heals all" is quite true and if you can both enjoy some common activity, that healing will be much quicker.
"What I am trying to do is remember a past life time. Is there something I can do during meditation that can help me."
It is good to be comfortable in both body and mind before you begin your meditation. There are many approaches to developing deeper insight which will allow you to find out more about yourself now, as well as about your past lives. Concentration is very helpful in getting to deeper memories. So you might want to use 5-10 minutes at the beginning to just practice this aspect. For instance, you might just repeat a short prayer ( or mantra ), or just attend to the rising and falling of your abdomen as you breathe, or you can simply mentally count from 1 to 10 and try not to let your mind wander from the task. Yet another approach is to use visualisation--you can imagine a favourite place or admired person and hold that picture steadily in your mind.
After a little concentration, perhaps the best thing is to be open to what your mind will offer you. This is very similar to what is known as mindfulness meditation ( Vipassana or Zen ). It is a non-judging frame of mind that solely rests in observing the constant flow of mental experience. It does not get enmeshed in all the stories of the mind--it simply observes their features. For instance, feeling sadness about something, would be noted "sadness, sadness" but one would not try to get too involved in the actual story and details. This technique can open large parts of your psyche for exploration.
So after first practicing concentration for 5 minutes and then practicing being just open to whatever comes up for 5 minutes or so, the final step would be to explore your feelings towards what you are experiencing in meditation. This last stage is the time for interpretation. It is a good moment to be seeking clues and reasons for your current situation. At the end of your practice you might like to briefly affirm some positive goals or beliefs to help bring the meditation to a wholesome finish.
"I am interested in becoming a Reiki healer but I do not think I am of a high enough conscious level to do this sort of thing."
You're doing all the right things and your values sound very sensible and enlightened. Reiki, yoga, meditation, and helping others without charging them an arm and a leg, are all very positive spiritual practices. Please hang in there. If you stay with even one of these for a while, you will change for the better. Fortunately, it is as simple as this--just find some wholesome practice that you like and stick with it.
"Any suggestions on how to begin this effort?"
Group work will give you the support, motivation, and energy that you need to empower your discovery of spirituality. You might want to join in a Reiki group that holds regular meetings to practice Reiki. Usually, most of the people in such a group have received a Reiki initiation and attend in order to maintain their connection with others and the Reiki energy, get some hands-on practice, and receive some Reiki healing too.
"I have taken some yoga classes however my energy level is usually drained and I end up sleeping more that day. I have tried meditation but I always end up falling asleep."
Yoga and meditation should enliven you--not deaden you. It can be a problem of course, especially in the beginning of meditation practice. You might try working with some of the more vigorous asanas to help build up your strength and energy--it sounds as if you are more comfortable with the stretching poses. Likewise there are various meditation styles that promote alertness. In the Buddhist traditions these are known as mindfulness meditations--for instance, Zen and Vipassana. Some simple things to do include meditating in between meals and not too early or late ( for instance when you come home from work ), sitting with others, and having a cup of stimulating herb tea (Ginseng or Lemon Zinger, for instance ) before sitting.
"My goal is to become an enlightened healer who does not charge outrageous prices to folks who need help."
It's a really great goal.
"What other things could I do to prepare myself for this kind of vocation."
Any form of service for others when done with the right attitude is a priceless preparation for becoming a healer. The right attitude comes from the heart and basically says, "Others are just as important as I am, they deserve happiness just as much as I do. What can I do to help them too?" This attitude in the Hindu tradition is called Karma Yoga. It is the surrender of the fruits of one's actions to the Divine. You will find this caring aspect in all the world's religious traditions. If you are inclined to such things, you might want to read a bit in the mystical traditions ( eastern or western ). Study with others who are interested in these lines--there is real power in the energy of people united in a common, good cause.
"What are the different methods of meditation and which one would work for me?"
Your work with the 12 step programs and group therapies is a key foundation for further exploration into consciousness. According to most major spiritual traditions the all-important first step to take on the path to genuine spiritual discovery is to establish a firm base of moral values, self-liking, and self-acceptance. This is so because in more advanced meditative states a lot of unconscious mental material is uncovered and one can be thrown off balance if one doesn't have a strong sense of what is wise and compassionate.
There are two main branches of meditation: concentration meditations and mindfulness meditations. Concentration types include constant repetition of a prayer or mantra, steadily visualising a single image, steadily concentrating on some psychic energy centre in the spiritual body ( such as the one at the heart ), and steadily concentrating on the rise / fall of the abdomen during normal breathing. They all utilise the steady focus on some single subject to attain very peaceful mental states. Their main value is in helping to tame the turbulent nature of mind that we usually experience.
Whereas the concentration types use a static concentration, the mindfulness meditations use a dynamic concentration which follows one's ordinary stream of consciousness. Thus a concentration type holds on to a single point so that one needs to withdraw from daily activity to practice the meditation, but a mindfulness type uses the ever-changing contents of one's mind for its meditation object. This means that once you are well established in this technique, you can practice your meditation in the midst of daily activities. In effect, you can lead a normal life and yet still be working to know God more closely through your meditation.
Both types are very valuable and you will profit much from working with either, or both, techniques for a while. The TM program teaches a simple concentration. Zen and Vipassana are good mindfulness approaches. To start with, a very good book to read about the mindfulness approaches and compassionate living is "A Path with Heart" by Jack Kornfield.
"What reading materials are ok?"
There are plenty of really good books in the self-help section of any metaphysical or decent general bookstore. You might like to spend an hour or so just browsing through the books and pick a couple of titles that appeal to your own heart sense and intuition. This is often a good way to begin an exploration. Books by Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra are pretty good starting points if you don't find anything else that appeals straight away. They have lots of references to other sources as well.
"I don't try to find any "supernatural" solution instead of visiting doctors. But I feel official medicine cannot help her much. And - after all - can you say which way is more natural?"
In general, the simplest approach to a situation is best. There are two main medical streams to help you. The official western approach and also the alternative approach which is more holistic and focuses on dealing with the cancer by healing the whole person. The official approach is very good at working with acute situations and often can be all that is required. Sometimes though, the alternative approaches can provide very useful supplemental therapy. Probably, the best approach is a combination of the two. A good place for you to explore ( if you haven't done so already ) is the "NCCS guide to cancer resources" page on the Internet. Its address is: http://access.digex.net/~mkragen/cansearch.html
"I'd like to know your opinion about my sister's disease. Can you feel any vibrations? Can you imagine any positive way of dealing with it? Have you heard about people doing well after having disease like this?"
Yes, there are many people who have recovered after having contracted cancer. Some of their stories really are heartening. Cancer is a dis-ease. That is, it is a physical problem but often it can also partially have emotional or even spiritual causes. So it is especially important to nurture her emotional and spiritual well-being at this time. It could be good for her if she were to explore her own feelings and beliefs at this time and find what is important to her now.
I get the feeling that it is important for both her and those closest to her to spend much time visualising her recovery. In particular, see the affected areas as becoming pure, white, and radiant. Imagine the areas to feel light, comfortable, and refreshing. Also a good image is to see the white blood cells and T-cells as little white heroes and heroines combating dark evil cancer cells. Imagine that the white cells totally defeat and destroy the dark ones so that not even a speck of the cancer remains. Finally, see her as whole, recovered, and well.
"She has colon cancer and has gone through orthodox medicine with chemotherapy but now they have given up on her."
It is good to know of your concern for your mother. At this point she probably needs lots of love and support more than practically anything else. It is important that you and those close to her do not give up on her even if standard medical practices have done all that they can at present.
"She is a devout Christian and has much faith."
Life is really a spiritual journey, although the common way of thinking tends to very much downplay this side of our experience. Strong faith in a larger, more wholesome being or level of existence is the foundation of all real spirituality. Your mom is very lucky. Most people aren't all that devout. It is good to try and meet her in her beliefs. You don't have to compromise your own values in this since at the root, all religions have fundamentally the same set of ethics and practices.
"I will be taking Reiki training this week as I feel the need to do so both to help mom, myself and others."
Reiki is a wonderful healing energy. As you know, it is very gentle and comforting. Your prayers for her now, and after you are trained, have a really positive effect both for her and for you. As you will be reminded in your training, the metaphysical reason for this is because at a deeper, spiritual level all humans--and all of life--are related. We all share a common fate and all have common needs and desires.
"I do find myself wanting mom healed of her disease yet, feeling she has her chosen path in life and it is not up to me to interfere."
Sometimes, if we are not completely swamped under, problems can indirectly bring about a deepening of our own wisdom and compassion for others. This can occur if we remember that life is a mixture of both good and bad circumstance, and that there are many others who have very similar--or worse--problems with just the same issues that we do.
So, it is quite alright to want to help her in every way that you can. It accords with the highest values of all spiritual traditions. Not interfering with another person's journey is only useful when it is the most compassionate and skilful means available at the moment. Usually, there is something--even a little something--that we can do to comfort and support others while still being able to respect their autonomy and right to live their own life--mistakes and all.
We are all interconnected at both social and spiritual levels, so whatever you do will have some effect on your mother. In a sense life is one long series of "interferences". The vital thing is not to get confused with judgement about whether one is abusing another's individuality, but rather to--in your own words--"reinforce, support and love to the best of my abilities".
"He suffers from seizures and tumours."
Life can be very cruel. Problems visit each and every human and in every possible way. But of course there are wonderful aspects to life as well. As you write:
"He is retarded but at times shows an amazing clarity of thought."
I'm sure you are very glad that you can at least communicate with him in a reasonable fashion once in a while. It is good that his real nature can shine through in those moments. Eventually all problems will pass--this is a spiritual truth: something that we humans are very fortunate to be blessed with. For now, we must just try our best and find the support that we can from our family, friends, neighbours, and elders. If you have not already sought out the support and advice from all these sources please consider doing so. Often the help we need is available if only we have the courage to seek it out and then ask for it.
"I have been searching for some spiritual rest for some time now."
Spiritual rest follows upon personal rest. That is, first of all you have to be comfortable with yourself, with your actions ( including all your mistakes ), and with what life has in store for you ( both the good and the bad ). It's a tall order. Really tall. But that's it. Really. That's where spirituality begins. I know from my own experience that carrying on and pretending to be spiritual and above things doesn't work. In my case, things only got much worse. Finally, I was forced to acknowledge what I didn't want to admit--that I had problems and needed to deal with them at a personal level and not hope somehow that God or the church or some minister was going to make it better for me. I was really shook up by that revelation!
"I have recently become a Christian and I am trying to come to comfort in believing he is not in what the Christians call hell."
There is good news here. You shouldn't bother too much with the idea of hell. It's true that there are hells in the spiritual realms but the fact is that most humans ( with all their faults and weaknesses ) don't end up going that way. Usually the afterlife is similar to the current life ( or just a bit better ). I think you will agree that the common notion of hell is of a very, very bad place that has no goodness in it whatsoever. Well as we experience life here on earth, it has a mixture of both good and bad. So the natural abode for your ex-husband is in what is known as an astral realm ( or dimension ). It is a place that is much talked about nowadays, especially by the New Age community. Some people can visit there while still alive. And most of their reports are fairly benign.
Being a Christian is a very good thing. Especially if you can begin to deepen your relation with ( and love for ) God and Jesus. It is ok to pray for your ex-husband ( even now, long after he's gone ) and can be really helpful for both you and him.
"Could you send some healing for a small kitten? She's my baby and I don't want her to suffer any more, but hate to see her move on."
Can do. Sounds like you've got a wonderful relation with her. You know, she probably responds best to your own love and affection! So please don't give up hope but also try to practise a little surrender to the divine flow and allow nature to take its own course. If you can do this, you will actually be giving the kitten some emotional space for it to grow within. If one clings too tightly to something or someone, the relation can become stifling and unhelpful--just the opposite of what one would want.
Don't worry, the kitten will appreciate your care even more if you give her some room to fulfil her own destiny here in this world.
"I feel that we can do anything we want to do if we have Allah on our side."
This is wonderful and very, very important. You can really help your mom if you can gently find ways to remind her that even though she may be sick now, she hasn't always been so, and that Allah ( or God, if that is what she calls the Creator ) has ALWAYS loved her. It is just that now she has had a period of trial and her task is to learn that Allah loves her still even if she can't understand why she is in so much pain.
"I also believe in the ability of the human mind."
There is much that she can do if she is willing to use her mind and heart. If you can teach her how to meditate or say a mantra, she may very well find comfort and strength. It's important for you not to try and force your ideas and hopes upon her. If you push too hard you will only restrict her own ability to heal herself. This is a general rule of nature--you need to give all people and creatures sufficient space for them to be themselves--otherwise you are just abusing them with your own wants and desires. But this doesn't mean you don't try. On the contrary, by giving other folks some emotional and mental space to say what they want and feel--and by genuinely letting them have their own views, even if you don't agree--you can actually help them out a lot.
Your mom knows you love her and will respond best to your steady and positive support and encouragement. Hypnosis is a very powerful way to change limiting thoughts. You might want to explore the area a bit further. The web is just full of good pages for you to check out. Go for it! Best wishes to you and your mom.
"I am looking for spiritual grounding during a point in my life when for the first time loneliness has become an issue."
Well, loneliness like all other problems, is something that comes and goes. You have enjoyed some wonderful times with your partner and children and now have an opportunity to explore new horizons and relations. It's probably best to keep cheerful about the situation and look to the bright side of it. On a practical side, you can go out and meet some folks especially in groups that are related to your interests.
"I have started reading the Bible and find that steadying. Meditation is a wonderful path but I have not pursued the thought."
Here you are! If you really feel that Bible study and meditation are areas you would like to find out more about, then you have a wonderful opportunity to join some related interest groups--and of course that is where you will meet other interesting and, if you want, eligible, people.
"I feel depressed and am having marital problems."
There is nothing wrong with feeling depressed as long as you don't try to deny what you are feeling. The first step in bouncing out of your unhappiness is just to have the awareness that something in fact needs to be changed. That is, you need to own up to your unhappiness and not try to blame someone or something else for your problems. Even if the main cause is not you, it is not helpful to put the blame outside of yourself.
The best attitude and way to deal with problematic situations is to accept full responsibility for being the person who has to initiate and sustain actions to get things better. You are in charge of your life and also the quality of your relationship. Sometimes, it is hard of course to make the needed changes since they can hurt. But it is much better to fix things up as soon as possible than to let them grow into even worse situations!
Fortunately you are aware of your situation and have started to work towards improving it. It is good to have some goal or direction in mind. This will allow you to continue on course towards having a workable and wholesome relationship with your partner. With a goal, you will be able to hold fast to your principles and wishes for healing. Without a goal, it is just too easy to get side-tracked by the constant bombardment of conflicting events and circumstances that we all must deal with in life. You need to really want your relation to work!
"Do you have a prayer or meditation or advice for me?"
Yes. Do you remember the last time you really felt ok? I guess it might have been a while for you. But I bet if you're willing, you can recall a time ( probably a lot more times than just once ) when life was ok. You were ok. Your friends were ok. And things weren't really so rough. Isn't this so? What do you say?
Here's the meditation: Life is a journey through a forest. The forest owner has not given us permission to give up the journey. And why? Because the forest is endless. If we give up on our current journey, the only thing that happens is that we end up at another forest having to deal with the same problems on another very similar journey. This is metaphysical law. Our best bet is to find what is good and wholesome and true within us and others--right here and now.
Giving up may seem easy, but in my experience, it has NEVER worked. Maybe I'm clumsy, but I think there is a grain of truth in that. The only times in my life that have ever really gone right have been when I've accepted the current problems I was having and tried to do something about them.
You're doing the right thing in asking for a bit of advice! Any really useful change begins with the acceptance of one's situation and the simple fact that "I need help".
"This is a serious inquiry."
Right. I believe you. This is a serious reply. Here is some serious advice:
Talk things through with some of your best friends. Also check out some of the other online help services on the web. You might start with these:
http://www.cmhc.com/
http://ourwold.compuserve.com/homepages/selfheal/nonmain.htm
http://www.cybertowers.com/selfhelp/
http://sunsite.unc.edu/jembin/mb.pl
Finally, please consider visiting or calling a counsellor or help line. Most big cities have a suicide help line which can really help you to put your situation in perspective. Give it a shot if you can.
And remember, life ( or God if you believe in such a thing ) is not just about being beaten up until we drop dead. I know it can seem that way sometimes. Life is really about learning. Learning that there is something really unique and special inside of you. Inside of me. Inside of each and every one of us. I know it's hard to believe but it's true. We need to learn what is ok with us and then maybe we can also learn what is ok with others too.
I will be thinking about you and praying for your support. If you want, write again and let me know how you're doing.
"How do I release emotional blockages from childhood?"
Getting through the unconscious mess of childhood takes a lot of consistent effort. You don't get cured suddenly or for free. But you can cheer up, there are an enormous number of self-help approaches that you can work with. Also, if you can swing it, working with a therapist or self-help group is very powerful and will really help you in your desire to be rid of the junk.
In my experience, the junk doesn't necessarily go away as soon as you would like, but it does eventually go away--provided, you stay with it long enough--even if that means years. The work doesn't have to be grim. In fact one of the best tools is light-heartedness and laughter--if you can laugh about the folly and misery in your own life you probably have enough emotional distance from it to be able to effectively do something about it. If you're too wound up about your problems, you probably can't see clearly enough to find your way out.
There are two basic tools to use. Affirmation and self-awareness. The first one is probably familiar to you. Basically, find ways to say what you want and don't dwell on what you don't want. It can work miracles. However, the real secret to the approach is to combine it with self-awareness. If you don't take this approach, you can end up being airy-fairy and very unrealistic. For instance, shouting "I'm healed, I'm healed" can work, but not if you haven't first acknowledged--in your heart--that you are ill and need help and don't care where it comes from or who gets the credit for the cure.
Work on self-awareness is either perceptual ( via mindfulness meditation ) or psychological ( via self-help ). The best known meditation styles are Vipassana and Zen. For self-help you could perhaps start with some of John Bradshaw's books about healing the inner child and also check the following web pages for further leads that appeal directly to you:
http://www.cmhc.com/
http://ourwold.compuserve.com/homepages/selfheal/nonmain.htm
http://www.cybertowers.com/selfhelp/
http://sunsite.unc.edu/jembin/mb.pl
"What exactly is meant by opening the heart?"
This refers to becoming more receptive and caring for yourself and all those around you. It is a lot like falling in love. For instance, when a guy really loves his gal, he will do a lot of things for her just because he feels she is precious and dear. He will even make sacrifices and work extra hard to help and please her. "Opening the heart" is basically the same thing, but the target of your affection becomes broader than just your partner. At first it might be your close friends and family. Later it is all those you meet. And even later, it is everybody, everywhere--regardless of whether they deserve such loving support. This opening is an attitude that all of life is precious and worthy of support and respect--and that if any of us are in a bad way or have made some mistakes, it is not because we are somehow inherently bad or at fault, but because we haven't yet had the chance to learn how to get things right with our lives.
"I keep trying to take control of situations over which I have no control."
For the vast majority of humans--that means you and me--life is in fact basically uncontrollable. This is just the way the cookie crumbles. As you know it is painful at times. One thing you can do not to make it any worse is to not buy into trying to be in charge of things beyond your current grasp. This requires wisdom since some things you CAN change. Maybe they need a lot of effort but they can be changed.
"The physical pain is difficult but I have no fear. I'm sure it will go."
Life on this earth is not just about hanging out and finding ways to amuse oneself. It is also very much a spiritual journey--if only we will let it be so for us. You are right in letting go of the grief attendant on your health problems. The underlying core of our experience is a level of spiritual wholeness. It is alive and vibrant, well and caring. And it is definitely possible to be blessed and protected from this level of being as well as from our ordinary physical world. It is good that you are in touch with this wisdom.
"But I can't seem to get over the feeling that I don't deserve to feel better."
You deserve to feel better. It is your birthright and nothing can take it away from you. Life might bury you for a while with lots of bad experience and problems, but in the end, the fundamental goodness that is your essence will ( must, in fact ) reassert itself and flower as it was intended to. This is a cosmic law--not just some wishful new age thinking. The universe is growing towards higher, more evolved and harmonious levels of experience. We can see this in the formation of planets from intergalactic dust and the rise of civilisation here on earth. So there is no reason for you to feel out of sorts with happiness--we all deserve to be happy just as you do. The best thing you can do is to heal and support your heart energy. Finding someone or some cause to really believe in can be an enormous help in this.
"It has spawned such growth and earnest seeking where before there was apathy and hopelessness."
Asking for help is an often neglected aspect of dealing with one's problems. In fact, the old saying "no one is an island" is quite true. We are all related--both socially and spiritually. Any really significant change begins with the acceptance of one's situation and, often enough, the simple fact that "I need help". This is because the alternative of denial locks one into a rigid stance. It precludes the clarity and warmth required to solve the problem at hand. So it's good to know that you are exploring avenues of support.
"I would just like to know if you have any suggestions for maintaining serenity in the face of difficulties."
Trying to hold on to goodness while riding through the storm of life is a constant end ever-recurring theme for all of us. When you are in a storm the main goal is to find shelter. The first step towards this is to be open and accepting enough to acknowledge that in fact a storm is occurring. So denial is not particularly effective. Once you have opened to your experience, you are in a better position to deal with it in a practical and humane way.
Motivation and goals are really important tools to help you ride through the rough patches. If you can see past your immediate difficulties to your goals, you have changed the way you relate to the difficulties. You can then feel that you are basically in control of your own destiny and not just another victim of circumstance. Without at least a general idea of where you are going in life, "any road will get you there". And by its very nature, life will offer you plenty of cross-roads and blind alleys to explore. With a goal, you can safely continue your journey when presented with such unwanted detours.
"I'm a part-time student and want to finish my education in the next couple of years and finally get out of a job that I don't like."
This is an excellent guiding principle for helping you to choose among alternatives. Try to reframe your relation to work so that you have a large clear image of studying and its rewards, and the part-time job is felt as a minor supporting actor in your story.
"I will be moved to another building next week where the atmosphere is generally negative. My immediate supervisor is extremely moody and often lashes out at me when things are uncertain or difficult in her life. I need to stay on here because of the salary.
In fact, no matter how attractive the salary might be, if you remain open to the possibility of change, you may in fact be presented with some unexpectedly better job possibilities. If you refuse to consider any other possibility as acceptable--since your job is so conveniently right there for you--you can be certain that no improvement in this area will happen for you. In all likelihood, the job is your best bet at this point, but the important point is that an attitude of openness will allow you to move along when the right time comes by.
"I think it is important for me to find out who I really am. That is, find a connection to the One who made my auric bodies and chakras."
Most people don't even believe or care about higher levels of existence. You are well on the path when you sincerely want to find out what is really going on.
"But I don't want to be in any faith because it seems to me that there is some underlying reality that goes beyond any single belief."
You're right, it is a problem that most religious groups are pretty narrow-minded when it comes to other traditions. Still, maybe there is something to be said for working within a tradition. There is a real power and purity in most genuine traditions. The trick is to find one that has a philosophy and policies that you find acceptable. A good tradition is only as good as the people that you work with. So, if you feel the group you are with is only talking the talk but not walking the walk, then you're better off checking out some other groups. But be realistic, most people are beginners on the path, so they will naturally make lots and lots of mistakes. So remember the good old word, tolerance. It can make the difference between grumbling about how sorry a group is and taking the imperfections as challenges for you to get stronger and smarter.
"I wish that auras and chakras would be scientifically proven and commonly acknowledged as an inherent part of our structure--just as an atom is part of nature."
I do too. But as you know, those folks are a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to spiritual matters. We shouldn't be too hard on them and we could probably even try and find a couple of the few open-minded scientists and work with them. They'll figure this stuff out in the end, but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for it.
"I am being visited by a spirit--and it doesn't seem to go away. I think it wants me to help myself and others ( who do not believe in such things ) to become more open and accepting and not to be so arrogant. What should I do?"
Treat spirits as you would any other being. They are not particularly more special than humans are. So, judge your relation with this being by how you feel about yourself when you are consciously relating to it. If you feel like you do when you're around a good friend, then ok, it's alright to hang out with the spirit. As far as teaching your church friends a thing or two about spirituality, I would go easy. Just like the scientists, most people are slow on the uptake, especially when it is something strange or challenging. So, take an easy-going approach. Try and help them understand but try and be non-confrontational. Be satisfied with small gains--it's ok. Really.
"I don't want to be just another narrow-minded person who thinks "I'm right, you're wrong." But most people think this way! And it is so pointless, so full of ego. How can God allow us to be like this?"
Well, now you are at the heart of one of the hard ones to understand about this life. Why is it such a mess? There is a trick here. It goes like this: It doesn't really matter why life is in such a mess. In fact, you will go mad if you dwell on it too long. The reason is that the fundamental nature of this reality is beyond the reach of thought. So it is ok to think about such important issues, but the key is to focus on the fact. That is, basically forget about WHY and concentrate on "HOW can I make this better" and "alright this is just the way it is, WHAT can I do to make a difference".
In summary, you asked what is the meaning for you after 5 years of growth and your relation with the spirit. Well, it is for you to know that. It is important that you listen to your heart. If you aren't already meditating, you might want to check out some form of Buddhist meditation like Zen or Vipassana. It would help you be more sensitive and open to the world. You sound very much like a doing type of fellow, so perhaps some form of service--simple as it might seem--can help to ground your knowledge, which is quite good. It is important to balance out spiritual growth. Not too much knowledge, not too much amazing psychic experience at any one time. I get the feeling that maybe flexibility is a key word for you at this point in your journey. What do you think?
"Even though they don't understand what I'm doing, I believe that God can be brought closer into my life through my practice of these occult sciences."
Whatever brings you closer to God--provided that it doesn't hurt or confuse others--is just fine. The trick here is that your peers in church may not approve of these sciences as legitimate for use within their way of relating with God. This is a social problem. It, of course, applies in all areas of life. That is, we all have to constantly deal with situations where we must be discreet and consider the effects our beliefs and actions are having on others. But at the same time we must maintain our own integrity and do those things that we truly believe in. Otherwise we are empty and just a shell of a human. Such a balance between one's values and expressing them in a way that harmonises with one's environment requires wisdom. Developing this wisdom is a life-long process and it is ok to make a couple of mistakes along the way--provided we pick ourselves back up and keep on going towards our goals.
So you really must be the judge in the situation you are describing. As I said, for you personally, if these practices help you to become a more caring and effective person, then they are as good as any other means for growing closer to the Divine. However if you find that they are just taking you on an empty ride then you should let them pass out of your life. If your interest in them leads to disruption in your relations with others then you should consider whether you can either be a bit more discreet, or find a new circle of friends, or try to teach others about their value, or some combination of these and whatever other ideas you will come up with.
"I don't seem to be able to accomplish anything."
There are various ways to go about getting motivated. And you need to be motivated to get anything at all in life. So probably your chief task is to find a way to get excited about something! No doubt you can think of a couple of things. The trick is to find something that you can leverage off of. That means, you use what you are already interested in to help heal and transform the parts of you that you might want to change.
The four main channels for change are through the body, emotions and mind ( thinking and visualisation ). Choose the one that appeals to you most and get inspired. Think up a way to break your pattern and do something positive. If you haven't a clue what to do, start with the body. It is the most basic avenue and the safest. Try some sort of physical discipline like biking, tai chi, or whatever you might enjoy. Use it to build up your energy and then after a couple of months, reassess your situation from there.
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