Hearing of Lily

“Here you are, three photos taken by her foster mother.”

I notice first the changing mat in the photo, it is just like ours.  Then I look at the pink stretch suit, the white knitted cardigan, only then do I dare to look at the baby’s face.  It is pudding like, round with a button nose.  This baby definitely has Down syndrome.  She is sweet certainly, but then all baby photos are sweet.

Why do I feel no instant bonding, no immediate relationship?  Is this baby really to be my daughter?

It’s so different to the first pictures I had of my other children.  Seeing a scan of a tiny but perfectly formed baby kicking inside me, forcing me to believe that I was pregnant but still having months to adjust to the news.  This baby has already lived for over four months outside the womb, she is now a fully-fledged personality living in someone else’s house and wearing someone else’s clothing.  All this time that I have not known her.

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