The Gospel According to Rael
1 Now there was a certain man named Claude Vorilhon who was renamed Rael when he was abducted by aliens. And this was Rael who is leader of the Raelian movement - an international religious cult that is currently setting up a company to clone the first human. And according to the movement, cloning is not harmful for it is time for humans to emulate their noble creators. For among their imaginative scriptures is the belief that the three wise men followed a UFO, the virgin Mary was artificially inseminated with alien sperm, and Jesus was resurrected through alien cloning. 2 And so the bioethicists hoped that Rael's bizarre claims would reawaken American legislators of the dangers of failing to regulate the technology of cloning in the private sector. And they hoped that human cloning would be banned for several years, as it was already prohibited by law in Britain and other parts of Europe. 3 And so Craccum interviewed Rael, in what was apparently "not an interview." And Rael told Craccum of the hundred million dollars his company would make from human cloning. And Craccum questioned his motives, but for the sake of this holy magazine, printed his answers so that the people might read them. 4 And so Craccum asked Rael, "Firstly, what is the basic philosophy of the Raelian movement and what are the main points of the message you received?" 5 And Rael replied, "All life on Earth, humans included, had been scientifically created by the Elohim - a Hebrew word that can be found in the original Bible - meaning 'those who came from the sky.' Those scientists who were mistaken for gods had developed a perfect mastery of genetic engineering and DNA synthesis. They sent us many prophets, such as Buddha, Mohammed, Moses and Jesus. Their mission was to prepare the people of their era for the age of apocalypse in which we are since August 6, 1946. My mission is to reveal their revolutionary message all over the world and to built an Embassy where they will officially return very soon, along with the prophets of old who were kept alive on their planet thanks to cloning." And Rael had some difficulty with basic grammar and sentence structure, but we will forgive him for this. 6 And so Craccum asked of Rael another question, "Would a re-translation of the Bible in terms of extra-terrestrial intervention be an apt description of the message you received?" 7 And Rael replied, "Just add 'yes' before this good answer..." And Craccum were confused momentarily. Of what good answer did Rael speak? And for what reason did Rael not add the word 'yes' himself. Nevertheless, Rael continued, "The Bible was [is] the oldest atheist book in the world. A better description [of Rael's message] would be a demystification of the Bible with the eyes of modern science." And Craccum were not convinced, for modern science has yet to prove the extra-terrestrial origin of UFOs to facilitate such an explanation. 8 And Craccum continued insensitively, "How do you feel about being labeled a cult?" 9 And Rael said, "Every new religious group is labeled a cult. Like the first followers of Jesus and Buddha, we are different from the main religions. Because of the negative connotation given to the term 'cult' over the years, we prefer to be called a new religious minority. And we are atheists and our religion is science." 10 And Craccum asked a longer question. Craccum said, "In 1968, Eric von Daniken in his book Chariots of the Gods popularized the theory that God was the primitive misinterpretation of extra-terrestrials visiting Earth, whose high technology was perceived as miracle, and who may have formed the basis for many of the ancient religions around the world. Five years later, you were dictated a similar story by aliens who used Earth as a giant biological laboratory. How can you prove that the message you received is not a work of fiction extrapolated from von Daniken's book?" 11 And Rael argued that, "Eric Von Daniken's book was extrapolated from facts written in the Bible too." But the idea of extra-terrestrial intervention was original. "It [the Bible] was there centuries before Von Daniken was born." So? "Peoples could also say the same thing to Mohammed because the Coran is rewriting most of the Bible." And they do say this. "The best proof will be the coming of the Elohim in the Embassy." 12 And Craccum openly welcomed the Elohim to the embassy. And they remembered reading news articles about the embassy that had already been prepared where the aliens could officially land within us, bringing with them all the prophets as predicted by every religion. And Craccum asked, "Does the fact that the aliens have not arrived on previous scheduled arrival dates dissuade your belief at all?" 13 And Rael denied having previously scheduled an alien arrival. Perhaps, being 'atheists', deception is not a sin in the Raelian movement. And Rael said, "What Embassy and where? I never gave any previous arrival schedule. [But you did!] I always said that we must build the Embassy first. The Elohim wish to have it build close to Jerusalem if Israel state accept it. It is the third temple of the Jewish tradition. If not it can be build anywhere else. The arrival is scheduled to take place, if the Embassy is build, sometime between now and 2035 Christian calendar." And Craccum saw through the lies, but still continued the interview for those to read. 14 And so it came to be that Craccum moved on to the topical subject of human cloning, "You have recently announced the formation of a human cloning company - Clonaid. How does human cloning fit into the belief system of the Raelian movement? Does it have anything to do with the resurrection of Christ by cloning?" 15 And Rael replied, "Yes, Jesus, as well as all the prophets, was [were] scientifically recreated thanks to an advance [advanced] type of cloning. Cloning a baby is the first step. The second step will be to create an adult, and the third will be to transfer all his [or her] memory and personality in the adult new body." And the scientists of Earth were skeptical of this claim. And their skepticism was supported by the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. And still they questioned Rael's understanding of human cloning, for it is only the embryo and its genetic code that is cloned. And an adult cannot be just created by cloning. 16 And Craccum continued their inquisition. And Craccum said, "The movement has described human cloning as the key to 'eternal life,' but memories and certain phenotypic characters are a consequence of the environment and are not cloned. Is 'eternal life' just a simple catch phrase, or is there some deeper meaning intended?" 17 And Rael said, "Eternal life will be reached when we are able to download our personality into the new body. Today's technology cannot permit it yet, but soon it will become an option." And Rael had much faith in the advancement of technology, more so than any of the scientists on the Earth. And his answer further highlighted his misunderstanding of human cloning as an adult cannot just be created. 18 And Craccum said, "Some have criticized Clonaid's chances of cloning humans, saying that peer pressure will prevent most scientists from joining the company. How do you respond to such criticism?" 19 And Rael said, "We have well trained scientists working in Clonaid's lab." And Craccum questioned their scientific training. 20 And Craccum probed more deeply, "You have recently been quoted as saying that human cloning 'is not at all dangerous.' How do you justify this statement when recent attempts to clone other animals have resulted in mysterious deaths, and even successful cloning attempts like Dolly the sheep, have resulted in premature aging?" 21 And Rael said, "Dolly didn't prematurely aged. [Dolly's telomeres are shorter than they should be, causing Dolly to be susceptible to age-related genetic diseases such as cancer.] The mysterious deaths observed are due to the lack of knowledge that the scientists have on the reproduction of the species involved in these experiments. As an example, the deaths and defects observed in cattle cloning have been observed also in cattle IVF which means it is not related to cloning but rather to the techniques used to check the embryos before implantation or I should say to the lack of techniques used. Thanks for human IVF experiments performed for the last 22 years, we know a lot about human reproduction, how to prepare an embryo, how to monitor pregnancy and these problems encountered with cattle will not be faced in our experiments." 22 But Craccum believes that there is still inadequate knowledge to execute the cloning and that, with our current level of technology, the first human clone will either be deformed or the result of hundreds of unsuccessful pregnancies. And so Craccum said, "Do you think it is premature or ambitious to clone the first human now, when the science of cloning is still in its infancy?" 23 And Rael replied, "This is not an interview. You are not asking questions but saying stupid things coming only from prejudices and rumours. As I said before, we know how to prepare embryos and screen them before and after implantation so these problems encountered in animal cloning will be avoided. I should also remind you that our goal is to have a perfectly healthy child, not a monster, so we will not do anything that would jeopardize the whole project and prevent cloning to happen for a long time. Having a waiting list of 1 000 potential customers ready to pay $200 000 each, it would be stupid to create a monster. The baby will be perfect or will not be [huh?]. This is the way to make a company a $100 000 000 company. Some venture capital companies are offering us this amount of money if the child is perfect. Love, Rael." 24 And Craccum questioned the motives of the Raelian movement.
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